Now that it has hit 30 degrees F here in Minnesota, not only are the bikinis coming out, so are the guys in cars.
I am well aware of my hotness, not only as a stroller pushing, dog dragging mom...but also as a puffy coat wearing, sweating woman.
Today our walk to the post office I was confronted with several guys trying to take me home for the afternoon.
Not only am I unwilling to be "picked up", I don't think their Chevy Cavaliers can fit my baby, bike trailer/stroller, dog, post office packages and all the other baggage I carry. As hot as I may look, it just won't happen...sorry.
I have however compiled a list of things NOT to do if trying to pick up a mom:
1. Loud music is not only irritating...if you wake the baby, I will chase you down and beat you to a pulp. The only time Axel naps is in a stroller, this is not to be messed with.
2. There is no need to pump your breaks when approaching a stop sign. Although it is SUPER HOT to shake your car to the beat of the music, it reminds me of throwing up...or dry heaves...something horrible and nasty.
3. Honking and yelling are not encouraged. I don't need my son growing up with roll models like you. Just keep your comments to yourself and you can be assured...I KNOW HOW SEXY I AM! (Keeping in mind my sweating, poop picking up, etc.)
4. Although my mouth is moving, I am not talking to you. Most likely I am singing the "ABC's" or "Wheels on the Bus". If you are uncomfortable with this...just imagine me singing something by Nelly or another rap artist of your choice.
5. Fast acceleration is a sure way for me to call in your plate number. Unless you are besties with the Mankato Police Chief, just keep to the speed limit!
If you still feel the need to share your love with me. You can DO the following.
1. OPEN THE DOOR. When I get to the post office, tie up my dog and finally approach the handicap entrance with the stroller. You are welcome to give me some aid in fitting the stroller through the door. Often times I nearly throw Axel out the front when misjudging the size of the door.
2. Let me ahead of you in line. I know you think I have all day. In fact I do not. Axel has a limited time span he can be sitting still or lightly napping. I need to make it home in time for his 5th meal of the day and 7th diaper.
3. Just smile or ask how my day is. Most likely I will say "great, how is your day", you can translate..."I am on my last nerve and because you were nice and said hi...I will let you off easy".
There you have it, simple rules for impressing a super hot mom like myself.
Have a great weekend. We will be in Eden Prairie watching my brother wrestle. If you really want to impress me...let him beat you!
:) Jen
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