I grew up in a family with an unfair hate of bumper stickers.  While I agree that it isn't necessary to broadcast your opinions on your car, I do enjoy some comic relief during rush hour.

Even though I told myself upon purchase of my first car that I would slap on a bumper sticker, I haven't found just the right one.  Perhaps it's like anything else, once you start, you can't stop?! I have yet to break the seal.

After another weekend on the road, I'm inspired to try a few virtual stickers, get up the guts, and maybe someday wear my heart on my bumper.  These stickers along with THOUSANDS more can be found at Cafe Press.

For as long as I can remember, "Robin Williams" has been the answer to my celebrity dreams. "Which celebrity would you like to have lunch with?" . . . "Which celebrity would you like to marry?" . . . "Who is your favorite actor alive or dead?"  Even before I could understand his inappropriate humor, I knew Robin was the guy for me.

Since Mr. Williams was unavailable on the day of my wedding, I married Jahred instead.  Now more careful of what I wish for, I don't get to be Robins wife, but I do believe I can sympathize with his mother.  Axel is comedically frustrating in every way.  He misbehaves, he wanders off, he does the most inappropriately funny things.  Although I can't pinpoint his future career exactly, it must be in the field of comedy, circus or one of those shows where people eat gross things, survive in the wilderness, whisperer of animals, or perhaps he will live with me forever and DRIVE ME NUTS.

Just to give you a little glimpse of what I'm dealing with . . . for every ONE of these:

 . . . I get about SEVEN of these:

Now you know.

A girl has to fake a few things to get through life; and I have been faking my breakfast habits for a long time now.  Even my husband is completely blind to my inner cereal desires. The truth is, although I can put on a pretty face and choke down a bowl of granola with yogurt on top, what I really prefer is a larger than life helping of marshmallow cereal.  Preferably Lucky Charms, Marshmallow Mattees...really anything that turns the milk a funky shade of greenish pink.  I subconsciously eat the oats first and save the goods for last.  With each heaping spoonful of only mallows, I am already dreaming of my next bowl.

While shopping the co-op yesterday, I suddenly stumbled into my cereal Nirvana.  To my surprise, some respectable adult like myself developed an all-natural marshmallow cereal?!  Was it that hard to just swallow your pride Mr. Organic Companies and create the cereal that we all secretly desire? $3.79 was all this large box cost.  In the last 24 hours, 2.5 of my meals have consisted of "Mallow-Oats".  It is seriously yummy!

Another confession to faking it comes down to fashion.  When the 80's style started to make a comeback, I began dreaming of neon sunglasses, checkers and big hair.  Maintaining my "JCrew" style, I have compromised with myself and last week I bought a neon yellow sports bra. It is satisfying on 2 levels: the teens won't be able to mock me for being the mom who thinks she's a kid again, yet on the inside I know that I've still "got it".

This week, you all have my permission to fake or not to fake.  It isn't easy to turn a fake into reality, but sometimes you can meet it half way.

Ok, really.  I need to get my butt in gear.  We have access to the apartment in less than a week, and from what you can tell, my house is NOT ready for the move.  I am trying to keep things as normal as possible for Axel and our routine, but when I decided to sit down for a beading project last night, the procrastination appeared to be out of control.

Can you blame me?  Nana's birthday is coming up, she turns 49 AGAIN!  Lucky girl.  So, I had to think of something worthy.  In my private stash, I had been hoarding a few picture charms (the add your own type of deal).  Well, for lack of better things to do (like pack), I dug them out from possibly the only bins that were ready to go.

Adding a charm here, a bead there, I created what I think is a LOVELY little neck piece.

Worth mentioning here...The plant featured in a blog post nearly a year ago (the plant I refer to as my "plant, dog, kid experiment plant")?!  I think I killed it.  After a long winter indoors, the plant is nearly deprived of life and as soon as I can, I slip it outside into the sun.  Well, a little too early this year, forgot it out over night, it froze.  In a desperate attempt to "buy" my way out of it, I bought it a larger pot, new potting soil, plant food and have spent hours doting on it.  I'll keep you posted.  Jade plants don't particularly like 30 degree overnight weather!

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WARNING.  Speaking of the weather, it hit 70 degrees in MInnesota today.  This can only mean 1 thing.  HURRY and get your emergency candy stash out of your car.  It could be that I'm the only one who keeps a stash there, but sometimes all you need is a little escape, a drive alone and a nice variety of sweets.  Not realizing the temperature, I reached for a handful of deliciousness today and it was a little soft.  So, closet candy fiends, you've been warned!  Nothing worse that 10 bucks worth of candy melted into goo beneath your car seat.

Ok, enough of this nonsense.  Back home to get something DONE!!!

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Back into the routine of the semester, Axel and I find ourselves alone most of the day again.

I'm always trying to teach him new things, and often forget to learn them myself.  Today however, I myself learned 2 things.

#1 - Dogs to not tolerate homemade Playdoh.  Upon just a tiny spilled morsel, Oscar proceeded to empty his "empty" stomach.  I wasn't lucky enough for him to have eaten his breakfast.  Only bile + Playdoh hit the carpet (why barf on the 90% of our flooring that is wood?) and let me tell you, dog bile isn't the clearish liquid our is...does "yellow food coloring/snot" create a clear enough picture for you?

Luckily that was the first thing I learned this morning.  The second totally redeemed the first.

#2 - Having to buy Marshmallow Matees (instead of Lucky Charms...I've had to discontinue even brand name dish washer soap...designer cereal is out of the question) the plastic bag they come in has a clear window.  I initially considered the window a preview, so I could purchase the bag with the MOST marshmallows.  Today however, I discovered the true purpose of the window.  It's so when you are reaching in to pick out just the marshmallows, you can see what you're getting into.  Using the window has made a huge improvement in my choosy accuracy and thankfully I will no longer be grabbing the grain pieces. Whew...glad I figured that one out.  Malt-O-Meal is genius!

An exciting morning.  This afternoon, I might just decide to learn something else!

Oh wow, I had no idea my week would turn out this way.

May I be so vein as to say, "my kid is soooo smart", actually smarter than I?!  Ok, so on Monday, I thought perhaps we would succeed at this potty training thing; but I had no idea that just like getting pregnant, it would turn out to be that experiment in Organic Chemistry that actually worked for ONCE!

Seriously, Axel may not be the most graceful, he is known to swear like a sailor (or maybe his mother), and when it comes to sleeping in his own bed, he sucks.  Going on the potty, this kid gets.

It's all business with this boy.  After a rough 2 days, we now have 3 dry naps and 2 days with only 1 accident (which was actually my fault).  It's like his 23 month old brain is just like "simple...what else you got Mom?"

The routine goes like this:
Axel - "potty" - does a little dance
Me - "Oh, ok, lets go." - bring him to the potty with book, shut door (upon his strict request)
Axel - "Oh wow." - leaves bathroom
Me - "Awesome.  High five." - flush the evidence

5 days of homebound nudity has really paid off and we may just be over the hump.  Don't get me wrong, we still need to master peeing in public toilets and leaving the house for more than an hour, but really, wow.

Today Axel and I ventured out on a solo mission in "undens" (his word for underwear).  After the captivity that was this week, the fridge was looking like a forgotten land.  We traveled to Cub and made it through the entire store loop.  I even took a HUGE gamble, doubling back for some forgotten items.  I carefully remembered to NOT place the food under where he was sitting, just in case.

When we approached the checkout however, things weren't looking so positive.  On a Friday morning, let me tell you how many lanes are open at your local Cub foods, ONE.  One lane and the daunting self-checkout.  I KNEW I couldn't do it myself while also keeping an eye on Axels bum, I chose the 1 open lane.

Unfortunately we found ourselves behind Grandma who had NO idea we were potty training and apparently had ALL day to do her shopping.  She had the clerk paging through the ad looking for a mysterious SALE on black olives.  "THEY'RE LIKE 75 CENTS A CAN...MOVE ALONG."  She was completely oblivious to my broken record of "keep your pants dry" growing louder with each passing minute.

After barely surviving that woman, the clerk looked at me and said, "Can you hang on a minute?"

"Um, NO, this kid is about to piss ALL OVER."

Not seeing the death look I was bestowing onto her, she turned around and proceeded to talk to a co-worker about sending a Birthday card around for Bill in the stock room.  Necessary??? **

No thanks to the lane 4 clerk, Axel made it though the store dry.  I lost a few years from my life, but all's well that ends well right?

Don't forget to sign up for my Potty GIVEAWAY in the previous post!  You don't even need to have experience in potty training, you only need to be potty trained yourself...just sign up for goodness sake!

**Just for the record, I don't expect every citizen of this country to bow down to me and my child; I just now have a better understanding of people in a hurry.  They aren't always trying to be rude, they may be on the verge of public defecation!

Really, has it been over a week since my last post?  It's strange how every year I forget the craziness of this season.  Parties here, caramels there. Seriously though, I think I have spent the last week eating caramels.

Two things you should NEVER do during the winter in Minnesota.  
1 - Go to Sams Club.  They sell a larger than life container of Utz cheese balls; to be avoided at all cost. One should NOT consume that many balls...not that my container is gone yet...a respectable dent has been made...I'm the only one who knows where in my studio they are hidden (pretty tricky to hide a 4 gallon bucket)...doing the math -  balls + hiding + me knowing where = I HAVE EATEN THEM ALL MYSELF.
2 - Make caramels when you don't IMMEDIATELY have somewhere to bring them.  Of course I made some rules for myself regarding caramel consumption, but in my house, rules have never worked.

Ok, now that I have explained what you shouldn't do...here is what you SHOULD do!  Knit socks.  Keeping true to my promise (although a little late with the pictures), here is this weeks SUPERSOCK SUNDAY!

These lovely mens socks were knit for the MOST important man in my life. Probably the only man I would dare knit socks for (the rest are too careless with footwear).  Papa will be getting these socks for x-mas this Sunday (early...sshhhhhh).  I'm sure he isn't reading my blog, so the secret is safe with you all.

Knit with "Happy Feet" sock yarn by Plymouth.  A simple k3, p1 rib throughout. Standard pattern with a little extra height in the calf.  It took me a while to fall in love with this yarn.  I am a fan of a stiffer, scratchy wool like Noro, but the soft-slight-stretch of the Happy Feet MADE me love it.  I'm sure they will wash like a dream and wear like a hug!

On Tuesday of this last week, I treated myself to a babysitter for 3 hours.

I've decided that my chronic insanity is due to little time off from one full time job (Axel) and not enough time to devote to my second full time job (fashion). Finding a babysitter was one battle, admitting that I needed her help was another completely.

Setting aside all power issues and giving away control to this girl just about collapsed me, but I was willing to give it a try.  It's only three hours right?

I started the morning off by running to the grocery store.  I found my stride as I entered the bakery and was actually able to relax and remember what was on my list (conveniently sitting at home on the counter...as usual).  As I was waiting for Axels "peppered turkey breast"...he only likes the spicy ones...the $8.99 per pound ones...I spotted a sample station with some delicious butter spritz cookies.  What I love about Cub is that you can sample a whole cookie...they don't waste time cutting them.

After a harmless sample, my hand grabbed one off the shelf and it magically migrated to my cart.  I just let it happen in honor of giving myself a break.

Finishing up at the store, I peacefully loaded the car and drove the 4 blocks back home.  I unloaded in virtual silence and could hear Axel sweetly playing upstairs.

It was time to sew.  I grabbed the box of "butter spritz" in case I needed a nibble and sat down at the machine.  Rockin' out to a Cities 97 sampler cd from the 90's, I stitched, I drew sketches, and not once did I need to rip out due to a distracted mind.

However much my mind seemed focused on my sewing, apparently, my stomach was focusing on the cookies.

When my 3 hours was up and I trudged upstairs to reality, I wondered how many cookies I had actually eaten.  Five, seven...ten at the absolute WORST! The containers are always half empty when you get them.

After lunching Axel and putting him down for a nap, feeling like I deserve just one more treat, I will leave the rest for Jahred, I quietly opened the noisy packaging but noticed the sticker stating "40 count".  They count the damn cookies?  I thought food packaging was a weight measurement.  This was clearly a guilt mechanism placed by executive men shaming their snacking wives...who did they think they were?

Of course by simple math if I were to count the remaining cookies, that would tell me how many I had eaten.  One by one I methodically tallied the remaining cookies and to my horror, there were only thirteen!

Twenty-seven cookies.  Well, actually twenty-eight I reminded myself, I did sample one in the store.

Admitting that the babysitter thing went just fine, I thought I could try it again some day, although next time she would only cost me money and not a pants size.

Just passing another anniversary of our wedding, I often think about the big day. Historical buildings, a trolley, flowers keeling over on the eve of the wedding (in a "fridge" that was actually a "freezer"), guests taking someone else's date home for the night...but really, I often think about these people (see photos below).

One of the "blessings" of hosting your wedding at a landmark (Landmark Center, Saint Paul, MN) is that it stays open to the public.

Apparently, some time after the tables were set (complete with scattered disposable cameras), a few tourists wandered in.  This lovely family has been saved on my hard drive for all these years and they are the only wedding guests I cannot identify.  Scrolling through pictures just last night, I realized that I have a captive audience who could help me identify them.

If you have seen these faces around town, or out of town for that matter...I should properly thank them for playing a role in my wedding; and see how the kids are doing.  It's not the material gifts that count at a nuptial event, it's simple showing up and giving your support.  (I can tell these people were supportive by the thumbs up in exhibit 4.)

Not only was this a lovely surprise when I developed the film (yes, in those days film was processed manually), they have given me an idea should I ever come across a stray disposable.

What's the deal?  Axel and I flipped to channel 2 this morning, with hopes of peace and quiet, a breakfast filled with eating and counting...instead, we discovered that PBS has launched a new show called "Dinosaur Train".

Don't worry, I tell myself, these shows are only a half hour and we will return to our regularly scheduled programming in a short while.

This was not the case.  Dinosaur Train has been on all morning!  Axel shows no interest in these new computer animated friends and quite frankly, the show is monotonous and dull.

Who do I need to talk to about this?  3 hours strong of Dinosaur train and if it plays through the Sesame Street time slot, I am calling Barack Obama himself.

What about a mothers right to T.V?