Questioning faith is a life long journey for me.  I'm always looking for signs.  I have a questioning mind being trained as a scientist, and the questioning actually helps my faith grow.

In the last 2 years, license plates have been my signs.  In 2008, the month our checking account hit $0.63, the year we had a new baby and Jahred returned to school, Mankato's license plates from the DMV were printed with S-E-W.  "SEW 546" ; "SEW 081"; apparently the plates are printed alphabetically and somewhat by geographic location.  Nearly half the cars in Mankato had/still have "SEW - - -" license plates.  When I started seeing them, it occurred to me instantly that this was my sign, a way to remedy our finances.  "Sew" I did, and my Etsy shop began to grow. Sewing paid the bills, sustained our family and fulfilled my inner need to provide.  SEW may have been a random license plate assignment to some, but for me it was an answer.

Today, on our way home from the mall, I was questioning myself again, what? how? why?.  My answer was delivered at 55 mph, I was following a Chevy with the license plate "4 PAPA" (insert goose bumps here).  To my even further shock, the truck was red, Papas favorite color.  I NEVER carry a camera with me, but happened to have one in my purse this morning.  I snuck it out of my bag and yes, I took a picture while driving.  Having proof of a "pinch me moment" is worth the temporary risk of a moving violation.

Who is in charge at the DMV after all?  Or maybe I'm just in the right place at the right time.

Even stranger is the Arby's sign in this picture.  Thanks to Papa, we had a steady flow of "Beef 'n Cheddars" growing up.  Arby's will always be a special treat, and as Papa would say, they have the best coupons.

Papas bunch.  We sure miss him.  He was the proudest grandfather!

Last Tuesday, Papa (Richard Ruedy) went to heaven.  He wasn't sick, suffering, and we definitely weren't ready for him to leave.  Silently he fell to a hemorrhagic stroke and was gone in a blink.

Several of us flew to Florida for goodbyes and to help Nana get home.  As we struggle to put ourselves back together, I can only be thankful for the 27 years I've had with him, and the never ending stream of stories and memories that will forever be in my heart.  Papa was a story teller, a Navy veteran, a leader of Saint Paul, the cornerstone of our family and my biggest fan.

I found this simple grocery list on his dresser.  Suddenly it is precious, and symbolizes so much!

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.  We are Celebrating his Life on Wednesday, May 5th in his home town of Saint Paul.

In the above photo, he is front row (on the right).  He lead both Police Officers and Fire Fighters to the capital to fight or strike for health and retirement benefits.  Seen below he is speaking to Minnesota congressman, leaders and media.  They WON!  

A girl has to fake a few things to get through life; and I have been faking my breakfast habits for a long time now.  Even my husband is completely blind to my inner cereal desires. The truth is, although I can put on a pretty face and choke down a bowl of granola with yogurt on top, what I really prefer is a larger than life helping of marshmallow cereal.  Preferably Lucky Charms, Marshmallow Mattees...really anything that turns the milk a funky shade of greenish pink.  I subconsciously eat the oats first and save the goods for last.  With each heaping spoonful of only mallows, I am already dreaming of my next bowl.

While shopping the co-op yesterday, I suddenly stumbled into my cereal Nirvana.  To my surprise, some respectable adult like myself developed an all-natural marshmallow cereal?!  Was it that hard to just swallow your pride Mr. Organic Companies and create the cereal that we all secretly desire? $3.79 was all this large box cost.  In the last 24 hours, 2.5 of my meals have consisted of "Mallow-Oats".  It is seriously yummy!

Another confession to faking it comes down to fashion.  When the 80's style started to make a comeback, I began dreaming of neon sunglasses, checkers and big hair.  Maintaining my "JCrew" style, I have compromised with myself and last week I bought a neon yellow sports bra. It is satisfying on 2 levels: the teens won't be able to mock me for being the mom who thinks she's a kid again, yet on the inside I know that I've still "got it".

This week, you all have my permission to fake or not to fake.  It isn't easy to turn a fake into reality, but sometimes you can meet it half way.

Some things you want your kids to experience because you remember them as being really spectacular!  I've found however that many times as an adult these come as disapointments and tend to taint the perfectly preserved memories of childhood.  When I heard that "Sesame Street Live" was coming to town, I wondered whether this would be one of those cases?  Willing to take the risk, I immediately purchased 3 tickets, second row, to "123 Imagine with Elmo".

Axel is a Sesame addict and although he would retain no memory or joy from the experience (he's only 1 for goodness sake), I figured it would be a night well spent.

Yesterday was the big day and mid morning I got a call that my brother Andy was coming for a surprise visit.  Perfect!  He was an even bigger Sesame fan than I was!  I sacrificed my ticket, sent him in my place, and couldn't have been more happy to do so!

With the bag packed, child care instructions given and camera ready, I dropped Jahred, Axel and Andy off at the door.  Nearly bounding for the entrance, I thought Andy might knock some kids over!

Two things were great about this situation: Andy got the experience Sesame LIVE 20 years after our first time as kids, and I got to preserve my flawless recollection of childhood wonder.

An hour and 45 minutes later they called to say it was over.  Bounding once again to the car, I heard the rave reviews.  The seats were AWESOME, Axel was covered in streamers that blew off the stage, they had resisted purchasing an over-priced fiber-optic piece of crap and most of all, Axel sat motionless in complete awe for the entire performance!

No better satisfaction for a mother to know that an evening was meticulously planned and enjoyed.

On a less fabulous day like today, I have already stopped a tantrum by using 50 cents worth of tape to repair a 2 cent paper towel.

You never know what's coming down the shoot.

...Axel finally looked at the camera.  He seems annoyed at having to turn from the action. Photos are courtesy of Andy who snapped 51 fabulous pictures of the show and 1 fuzzy shot of Axel.

Now that we've licked this potty business (even staying dry at night...just bragging), it's time to move on to bigger and better things.  This week I'll be teaching Axel Calculus.  :)

No, really...it seems the mundane has set in again.  The house is back on the market, this time with a new Realty Company and a hell-of-a-lot more stains on the rugs.  I have found with jute rugs however, stains seem to disappear over time, and over time as well, my house is BOUND TO SELL!

I even offered to take the photos for this go-around, creating a "virtual tour".  I figure anything I can do to make it more noticeable, and gain a little good karma!

While Axel is dreaming away I sweat out some calories on the treadmill while mentally re-organizing my Etsy shop.  I have determined from my 2 week Etsy vacancy that it really is "what I put into it".  I haven't been updating, adding new things and what I see most critical is that I'm not BUYING.  Is Etsy just one big money cycle, you spend on Etsy and others spend in your shop?  Something to ponder.  I have been getting lots of word of mouth customers (and they tend to be happier and less demanding anyway).

On, POTTY GIVEAWAY!  I am super excited to announce that the winner (by random drawing from a Red Wing Crock) is Shelly!  She is Jahreds aunt and the source of 90% of our toys!  Shelly, you'll be getting a surprise in the mail (just for you and the birds...no sharing with any boys in your house).

THANK YOU so much for the many tips on coloring the toilet water and especially the tip from Jen!  You provided perhaps the tip I am most likely to use.  Peeing in a parking lot instead of the car seat will come in handy as we are on the road a lot.  Luckily, having a boy, it will be a little less obvious...I may even start parking towards the back, or beside large trucks.  Probably should wait until spring before giving it a whirl...Jahred warned me of potential frostbite.

Check out the pictures of how clean my house was for 5 minutes.  What you can't see are the piles of kid crap just around the corners of each image.  The 4th picture of the blue stairs is the reason I fell in love with this house.  A walk up attic.  The old fashioned wall paper, the blue paint alone; remnants of a better time.  When I saw them for the first time on our initial tour, I spontaneously flashed back to the first book I fell in love with "Diary of Anne Frank".  After that book, I looked for secret stair cases everywhere.  My personal blue staircase walks up from inside my closet, almost like a private escape to possibility, dreams and my very own sauna in the summer.

Having denied myself the privilege of professional hair care due to budget constraints, I have taken on the task of cutting my own hair. It hasn't been colored or cut professionally in over a year and a half. I did have to splurge this week however because the hair thickening product that I thought could be nixed...turns out I really need.

Not willing to spring for the $36 Bumble and Bumble thickening product that I absolutely ADORE, I stopped in a beauty supply store and settled on a $14 bottle of the brand name "Rusk" - thickr.

I brought it home and it sat on the counter since I had no need to shower at the time; but right as I was going to bed, I thought I would take a sniff.  Not sure why I needed to sniff a chemical product, but craving a salon/spa experience, I opened up the top.

With one simple wave in front of my nose, about 10,000 memories flooded my conscience.  The Rusk I now had in my possession smelled JUST LIKE "ck ONE".  ck meaning Calvin Klein of course and 'ONE' being the name of a fragrance that I couldn't get enough of in the 90's.  I can picture the boys I crushed on, the girls that didn't invite me to birthday parties and the ads where I caught my first glimpse of men in low rise denim sans shirt.  

ck ONE was the definition of sex appeal for me and possibly the first unisex fragrance to be marketed to a younger audience.  Just like other popular trends, I was denied a bottle of this liquid sexiness, but wasn't stopped from peeling open the fragrance flaps in Vogue and desperately rubbing the scent on my clothes.

ck ONE advertised to the "the only one" and the commercials play in my mind as if I am watching them live.

The next day, I took just one more whiff to make sure I hadn't dreamt the smell...nope, definitely not of my imagination...it's got that unmistakable scent.

Was it a twist of fate that I should choose this brand from hundreds of others, or is it just luck that with every shower I get to think of the past, feel confident in the present and look to the future with HOT hair.

Was ck ONE "my only one"?  Probably not, but it must have been something, or that scent would have been shelved in my mind with the rest of the 90's long ago.

I have long claimed that Facebook is just people shoving themselves down your throat.  I, just yesterday however, silenced my own bitching by deleting my Facebook page.

I'm sorry if it seems old fashioned, but I think "social networking" is only important with the people you can call, any time, day or night. And more importantly, the people who truly love you.

I honestly can't come up with a good excuse of why my page lasted as long as it did.  I rarely updated, was irritated when people would try to chat online and was even pissed off when true friends would use the page to send me a message.  I have made it pretty clear to all those important to me that I don't communicate with loved ones online, but it's hard to enforce when you leave the avenue open.

Feeling a sense of liberation over the past 48 hours, I have received several messages from Facebook saying "there's still time to save your profile...simply log in within the next 14 days and you can regain your account information and your friend list."  

To Facebook I say, "NO THANK YOU".  I will not be turning back.

Also, as of this week, Jahred and I will be canceling one of our cell phones and we will be sharing a line.  I have to say I'm excited to be saving the $50 per month and I hope it will create a deeper sense of family.  I always thought it was strange that when people wanted to get a hold of us they would have to pick which one.  Call me crazy, but it's rather insulting.  Perhaps if America went back to the 1 phone per household, marriages may not have so many secrets.

For those of you that are on my real "friend list", you don't need to send a secret request for me to "ignore" or "confirm", you don't need to state how we know each other, and we may not have any "mutual friends" but you know how you can reach me, and you know I'm always here.  If for some reason you get Jahred, don't fret, I'm probably reading, hugging a tree or knitting...because you know what I'm NOT doing (hint: facebook).

Sometimes the best sort of liberation, is the kind you give yourself.

I admit that I have been using my child.  I use him as a constant excuse for not cleaning the house.  It's much easier to just assume he makes all the messes and I just can't keep up.  When people come to visit, I'm sure they agree...I'm just too busy to clean.

The dust bunnies I continually kick behind the couch sparked a childhood flashback this morning.  Most of my earliest memories of growing up, involve my mom cleaning, and how sinfully GREAT it was to play on the "dining chair bus" in the living room.  Thinking of the bus lead to thoughts of cushion forts and eventually warm laundry from the dryer.

Although Axel lacks a sibling to ride on the bus with, this morning I hoped he could find other games to play while I did some much needed house work.

True to form, Axel dug right in.  While removing the cushions and dispersing the furniture, Axel was in heaven amidst the disarray, and played an 18 month version of don't touch the floor.

Is "cleanliness next to godliness" or is it next to video games by way of child entertainment?  One complete hour of constructive play made for a great start to our Thursday.


As a side note, with back to school approaching, Nana has helped me develop a super stylish pencil pouch.  They fit iPods, digital cameras and of course #2's.