After a crazy week of birthday and such, I can finally sit down and reflect.

The success of Axel's B-day party was more than I could have hoped for.  We had a lovely, peaceful day on his actual birthday and the party this last Sunday was fantastic!  So many far away relatives made the trek to southern Minnesota to celebrate Axel, check out our home and just be together!

We had loads of activities at the party including "create a cub" with my own stitched bears.  The kids and teenagers stuffed their own cub, made a wish, tucked it inside and stitched up the back.  It was a lovely way to share what I do and give them a lasting memory of Axel's big day.  We also had balloon animals.

Not only did I get a chance this weekend to reflect on the first year of being a mother, I got to reflect on my first year of staying home, completely devoted to one task; raising a son.

Not that it isn't totally enjoyable being a home-maker, I do love the title although some days I unmake the home more than I make it.  In the long hours between sunrise and Jahred coming home to relieve me, I have to find ways to entertain myself.  Although kidless friends can call once in a while, an entire year of long days makes me feel REALLY alone most of the time.

I have come up with some innovative games however to pass the time.

1.  Find the secret outlets.  Living in an old house, there are never enough spots to plug things in.  Now that Axel is a proficient crawler and mess maker, often times he will pull something off the wall to find an outlet hiding behind it.  This is not only the peak of excitement for the day...week...I sit and think of things that could be plugged in here, how I could rearrange the room for better lamp placement etc.  Finding a secret outlet is like striking motherhood gold.  Of course once a discovery is made, I immediately call Jahred on the job to share the good news.  Calling a kidless friend would be a waste of enthusiasm.

2.  Relearn childhood skills.  Not that we don't have money to spend, but really...we don't have money to spend.  I need to find cheap ways to entertain us both during the day.  Walking the mall in Mankato is always an option.  It is so worthless that I never spend any money there.  The stores are disappointing unless you want to look like a hooker or wish to live in a nursing home (sorry).  I have also found it convenient to stay home and practice up on skills I was once great at (like playing the piano) or skills I always wanted to learn (like juggling).  By printing piano music off the internet, I can use the backs of ECFE flyers to keep us both dancing.  I have always wanted to juggle, so I practice that almost every day.  In 2 months I have made little improvement, perhaps I will trade in the juggling for skateboarding in the summer (another wanted skill).

3.  When all else fails, keep the child busy with toys that are not for kids.  The mail, kitchen utensils, compact discs (who needs them now with mp3), VHS tapes...anything to get you through the day!

Here's hoping all of you have a few secret outlets in your life.  Enjoy the rest of the week and we'll talk soon.

Below is a create a cub pic from this weekend and also a NEW roxy bag in my shop. This Echino Japanese fabric is to DIE FOR!!!!

Happy Heart Day.

Although today is a day for cupid, hearts and gummy candy.  I have a damper to put on the day.

Not only does the candy pull out my fillings, and cupid resemble the devil, last Valentines day I killed a rabbit with my car.

Being a complete tree hugger (I even transfer bugs outside instead of killing them), the events of last valentines were devastating.

Super pregnant.  C-section minus 4 days.  I was on my way back from picking Jahred up at school when the said murder occurred.

Coming around a curve on a dangerous road...during winter...with my seat so far reclined I'm sure it was illegal for me to be driving at that point...the rabbit appeared hopping towards my car.  With a car coming at me, one behind me and the ditch to my right, I had no other choice but to charge on.

I thought the bunny would hop out of the way, but upon hearing the thump under my Camry, I knew better.

Every day over the last year I have prayed, thought of, and pined over that bunny.  My first road kill.  Maybe it would have been better if I didn't see the expression on his little face, or if I wasn't so emotional and pregnant.  Perhaps if it were a squirrel, like the ones that made their home IN mine...I would have felt more revenge than sadness.

My husband can assure you that I am not making this up.  I was one step away from pulling over to bury the bunny or at least give it a eulogy.  For the rest of my life, Valentines is ruined.  I feel like my little cards should say carry the disclaimer: "will you be mine?  i kill rabbits".

So, while others celebrate lust, love or friendship...I am having a sad anniversary over the loss of the bunny.

Happy Heart Day to you and yours.

We made an "H".  Until 2 nights ago, Axel had been sleeping in our room.  A fact I am happy to admit, but also happy to admit past tense.  He would sleep between Jahred and I, head to Jahred, feet to me (because I love his toes).  A PERFECT capital H.

I am completely into the "family bed" theory and think it's a perfect scenario...until you all start losing sleep.

Just as children wean from the breast, they wean from your bed.

Not only was Axel insistent on sleeping in our room, he would not even look at his crib.  His room was off limits unless a tantrum was wanted, and the thought of failing as a mother who can put her child to sleep was staring me in the face.  The crib had to go.

Monday afternoon was the last straw.  The crib came down and Axel was screaming "yeah" during the process.

Out to the garage we went and on the spot, Jahred created a toddler bed that was "custom and couture" for our "custom child".  Why would a first child/grandchild who spends the better part of his day in my arms settle for anything less?

With anxiety abound, we put him to sleep in his custom bed on Monday night and never looked back.  He sleeps, we sleep, and I am a better mom in the morning.

Of course on those cold or sad nights, he is always welcome...but I must say, peeking in on him from his door is wonderful in it's own way!

With Axel's birthday coming up next week, there are a few additional couture items in the house these days.  His handmade invitations were sent out last week, the custom old fashioned birthday banner is hanging in our dining room.  His couture party shirt and new pj's are in the sewing room, I just packed away his hand knit 1st Christmas sweater.

A couture bed, year and life for Axel.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  He is the child of an artist after all...suffer he must.

With Valentines Day fast approaching, one thinks about the definition of true love.

The more I watch in wonder as my little baby becomes a little man, love means something different every day.

I woke up to Axel stirring at around 8am.  Yes, he is in our room on a mattress on the floor.  I have tried everything to get him to sleep in his own room...no luck, and since he is my first and only right now...he gets to sleep with us!

Anyhow, I snuck over to his mattress and laid down next to him.  This did the trick for about a half hour and I watched the amazingness that he is while he was asleep.  I noticed how he sleeps with his mouth open and his lips get dry on the outside.  I can also see his 8 little spaced teeth, and hear how tiny his breath is compared to mine.  Once in a while his tongue moves in a sucking motion...no doubt dreaming of his thumb!  Every time I move, he searches again for me with his tiny little hands.

After about a half hour he started to wake up for good.  He stirred, rolled and finally sat up!  Upon sitting he clapped for himself!  It was then that I realized that waking up is worth celebrating!

There is another kind of love in our house this February.  Puppy Love!  Axel spends his whole day trying to get near our Beagle.  Oscar waits until Axel is within reach and then runs away.  It is so sad for Axel, but shortly after breakfast, Axel was able to pin him on the steps and I had a rare photo shoot with my tiny lovers!

True love is innocent, unconditional and crosses even species!