I bet you never thought I earned an income by bending over!!

Well, you will be surprised to hear that during our miles of walking in the Mankato area, we clean up after the local a-holes.

Not only is this town filled with conservative people and wild college students, there are loads of littering a-holes!

A-holes are like money in my pocket.  These people leave their beer cans all over the city and this place looks like garbage most of the time.  Axel and I do benefit from this however.

Because others are simply too lazy to bend over and clean up their mess, I am happy to bend over 30, sometimes 40 times on the way to the post office and collect their trash.  Although it looks strange walking with a stroller full of 40oz beer cans...I don't mind and would willingly take a breathalizer test!

In the last year, I have made nearly $500 in street cans alone.  Thats a s*it load of money for simply squatting in the boulevard or at the street corner.

By posting this blog...I don't know what I hope for more: a-holes to stop littering...or for more cans to pick up.  Either way, the streets will be clean thanks to my tight little behind and well stretched thighs!

Thank you slobs of Mankato for exercise, reminding me to always wear non-crack-showing pants while walking, and for buying Axel fabulous toys this year.

Hope this inspired you to bend over some yourself.  Don't be lazy.  The earth needs us.

On a side note.  The male half of my couple friends "Mary and Terry" has started a blog.  He tends to be comical and has a strange sense for fashion.  You all should check out his blog...he is a new blogger, so give him a shot!

Just a few noteworthy crib sets of late.  Also a pic of Axel post-meal.  Sassy, isn't he?

Now that it has hit 30 degrees F here in Minnesota, not only are the bikinis coming out, so are the guys in cars.

I am well aware of my hotness, not only as a stroller pushing, dog dragging mom...but also as a puffy coat wearing, sweating woman.

Today our walk to the post office I was confronted with several guys trying to take me home for the afternoon.

Not only am I unwilling to be "picked up", I don't think their Chevy Cavaliers can fit my baby, bike trailer/stroller, dog, post office packages and all the other baggage I carry.  As hot as I may look, it just won't happen...sorry.

I have however compiled a list of things NOT to do if trying to pick up a mom:

1.  Loud music is not only irritating...if you wake the baby, I will chase you down and beat you to a pulp.  The only time Axel naps is in a stroller, this is not to be messed with.

2.  There is no need to pump your breaks when approaching a stop sign.  Although it is SUPER HOT to shake your car to the beat of the music, it reminds me of throwing up...or dry heaves...something horrible and nasty.

3.  Honking and yelling are not encouraged.  I don't need my son growing up with roll models like you.  Just keep your comments to yourself and you can be assured...I KNOW HOW SEXY I AM!  (Keeping in mind my sweating, poop picking up, etc.)

4.  Although my mouth is moving, I am not talking to you.  Most likely I am singing the "ABC's" or "Wheels on the Bus".  If you are uncomfortable with this...just imagine me singing something by Nelly or another rap artist of your choice.

5.  Fast acceleration is a sure way for me to call in your plate number.  Unless you are besties with the Mankato Police Chief, just keep to the speed limit!


If you still feel the need to share your love with me.  You can DO the following.

1.  OPEN THE DOOR.  When I get to the post office, tie up my dog and finally approach the handicap entrance with the stroller.  You are welcome to give me some aid in fitting the stroller through the door.  Often times I nearly throw Axel out the front when misjudging the size of the door.

2.  Let me ahead of you in line.  I know you think I have all day.  In fact I do not.  Axel has a limited time span he can be sitting still or lightly napping.  I need to make it home in time for his 5th meal of the day and 7th diaper.

3.  Just smile or ask how my day is.  Most likely I will say "great, how is your day", you can translate..."I am on my last nerve and because you were nice and said hi...I will let you off easy".


There you have it, simple rules for impressing a super hot mom like myself.

Have a great weekend.  We will be in Eden Prairie watching my brother wrestle.  If you really want to impress me...let him beat you!

:) Jen

This week I am trying to get back on my horse of athletic fitness.  I have come to realize however that the horse I used to ride on will no longer work.

Perhaps I need a fatter, slower horse.  Maybe one with stretch marks itself would make me feel more confident.  I think a distracted horse would be best.

Lately I have been feeling that what I am putting into my body has never been better.  I cook an organic meal most nights due to the pressure of wanting to feed Axel the best.  I endure an arm work out about 80% of the day...thank you Moby Wrap (infant carrier).  I also feel like I am being intellectually stimulated, thanks to sewing and trying to figure out the little boy mind.  One piece is missing.  Cardiovascular, raw sweat and tears.

Having never been a great runner, always an average one, I did rather like it and ran until I was 6 months pregnant.  Yup, that was over a year ago.  I have started running a few times since, but I never felt ready for myself.

As I search for MY new horse, perhaps some of you are in search of one too.  I am open to trading, as a new horse can be hard to break...but well worth the effort.

The bitter cold has finally broken in Minnesota and we are all thankful to be back in the stroller/dog walking routine.

Hope the January blues aren't getting to any of you...this is the time of year that just seems to drag on.  Try to enjoy yourselves and if you have a horse you need to get back on...I'm right with ya.

In honor of Axel's big day approaching...check out my PDF's on sale.

Only $5 and emailed to you super quick!  It is so darn cold out, we should all be inside sewing!  My patterns are great for beginners or advanced sewers!  I am also available for "tech support" if you get stuck!

CHECK OUT THE SALE!

Have you ever gotten to the point as a parent that you would rather watch your child destroy an entire roll of toilet paper than go one more day without getting dressed or putting makeup on?

I was at such a point this morning.  After 2 weeks of sick Axel and now having a boy that is getting more crabby and sleeping less every day; I am mentally and physically exhausted.

This does not help my appearance.  Luckily with FEW friends in the Mankato area, I don't have a real great chance of seeing anyone I know.  But I'm pretty sure the post office clerks are snickering in the background, "she's really let herself go" and comments like that.

Axel has been such a bear lately that getting dressed is a luxury, not a guarantee.

Today I had had enough.  On this -40 degree day, I decided it was today I would get presentable.  I brought Axel into the bathroom with me and figured he would go for the usual under-the-sink trap.  He decided instead that toilet paper would make a nice snack!

He experimented for a while with spinning the roll, slapping the roll, but wound up unraveling and eating the TP. 

I was however ok with this because I was able to put on a full face of makeup and thought I looked pretty damn good!

I did spend the next while fishing ABC (already been chewed) TP out of his mouth...too dry to swallow no doubt.

It was totally worth it!

Hope you all had an eventful morning and are looking great as well!

I'm sure with all of my fame and fortune you all assume I am sewing on a million dollar machine that just zips along practically on it's own.  I do have a confession with regards to that.

My machine was a desperate purchase from the Salvation Army.  I paid $20 dollars for it and complained at the price.  The Salvation Army in this town thinks it is Neiman Marcus.  Their prices are ridiculous and they claim their donated items as "antiques".  I don't think the definition of "antique" is a 10 year old piece of plastic junk.  Anyway...in a desperate situation of my last machine being sewn to death, I stopped in there to see if I could find a machine to get me through.

I stumbled upon it in a beat up case and nearly walked away from the $20 sticker.  Since I don't actually make much money at this sewing gig, I thought how crazy to pay $20 for something that may not work.  I would rather have a $1000 machine that would at least validate my skills as a seamstress. 

I took it home despite convincing myself that it would not work and while opening the case a bright light seemed to appear.  I plugged it in and it hummed like a machine I have never known.  Come to find out it is an industrial machine from the 1960's and was apparently never used.

This machine is so simple.  Having few knobs, few attachments and without one of those annoying little cubbies that are completely useless.  I knew I was in love from the moment Jahred said "I'm in the next room and I can't even hear the banging of your sewing machine." 

Almost a year has gone by now and I am still sewing away on this beauty.  I won't lie, I have had my words with it and it has been threatened by the dumpster...but it continues to amaze me with each passing project.  There is literally nothing it won't do.  Zippers, upholstery, fine linen...it conquers all.  There is however one thing it will not do.  Sew for other people.

I have tried to use this machine in sewing classes, even an advanced sewing friend has tried her hand.  It binds up something aweful if another opperator attempts a few stitches. 

The machine and I are most likely stitching soul mates!

So now that I have revealed my big secret, you will look differently at my creations.  They are not the work of a fancy new machine, but a rescue.  Trapped at the "sal" it was, until I begrudgingly took it home.

Hope this makes you smile and appreciate all the oldies but goodies in your life!

Enjoy this bitter cold if you are a mid-westerner...if you are somewhere else.  I don't want to hear about it!

:)

NEW to my line of handbags is ROXY.  An original design by me...stitched with hope and peace for the New Year!

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A line made of completely ONE OF A KIND bags!  They are all cut by hand, made from unique materials, durable, fashionable and JUST FOR YOU!

Check out the photo below...and purchase one in my SHOP!

also NEW . . . LOUISE CLUTCH!  It's the same Louise original design, in a new size and all OOAK!

This great zipper top bag is perfect for on the go, cosmetics, diaper and wipes...endless possibilities for this clutch!

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Measuring 11" wide 10" tall...it is a great size!  A great price for a gift!